Intestinal-Abdominus Who- I. Hate. You

This is how I feel currently- insert various stomach/ abdominal organs where Who-names are located...


I am on Day Two of an antibiotic for my Bladder, in addition to the "pre-diabetes" med- which my Chiropractor kindly commented, aren't we all "pre-diabetic?" Thank-you Dr. Bill!, the prenatal vitamins, thyroid meds, Align, the extra Fiber, the colace, and the spiked apple juice that are all trying to combat my overstressed and non-working intestines. It's really like a party in my stomach right now! I feel like my medications have enrolled in e-harmony and are looking for their perfect match and just keep getting more friend to visit! Someone really needs to cancel their 90 day free trial!

Basically I am miserable, I am up constantly at night to pee, then I can't go back to sleep (even though I don't turn on any lights so as not to disrupt my body's internal clock). By the time I do fall asleep my husband is leaving for work and then I have to get up and ready for the day. Last night about 3am I was so hungry I don't know how he wasn't up looking for the starving bear trying to break out of my stomach. Luckily I keep a basket of random food by my side of the bed and a little applesauce seemed to calm Yogi down enough that I could enjoy the last 30 minutes of the night. My mini-fridge from college will be taking up residence beside my bed this weekend.

Today is one of those days that I researched Fetal Alcohol Syndrome- why, well, mainly for encouragement- no I'm not an alcoholic (though there are quite a few references in here), I just like a nice cold Rum & Coke, or Pina Colada or Mango Daquiri every once in a while. Right now, I'd kill for a "Weak Willie", it would make me feel like I was sipping a nice fruity drink on the beach.

Here is what I found for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome from the CDC:

Drinking alcohol during pregnancy can cause miscarriage, stillbirth, and a range of lifelong disorders, known as fetal alcohol spectrum disorders (FASDs). Children with FASDs might have the following characteristics and behaviors:

• Abnormal facial features, such as a smooth ridge between the nose and upper lip (this ridge is called the philtrum)
• Small head size- Not a good bargaining point to the mother getting junior out....
• Shorter-than-average height- My family is a bunch of giants, maybe a little stunting will help
• Low body weight- Does this then correlate to a lower chance of obesity??
• Poor coordination- See previous entry on me falling down the stairs
• Hyperactive behavior- I could be a poster child for ADD
• Difficulty paying attention- See above
• Poor memory- Dad seems to forget things ALL the time!
• Difficulty in school (especially with math)- Accountant by profession, so not me, but Dad definitely does not like the "Math" word to be used
• Learning disabilities- Aren't we all a little special
• Speech and language delays
• Intellectual disability or low IQ
• Poor reasoning and judgment skills- Well.... Let's just say that Dad and I seem to have broken free of the mold, so Baby should be good!
• Sleep and sucking problems as a baby- Is this not normal baby behavior?
• Vision or hearing problems- I can't see (And Dad is in denial), and Dad can't hear
• Problems with the heart, kidney, or bones- Litany of medications listed above...
  
  So to answer all the concerned people cringing thinking that I am being serious.. It's a JOKE, Rootbeer will be the closest alcoholic beverage I consume, although I make these Japanese noodles, like at Habatchi places- oh they are TO DIE FOR- and they are made with Saki (rice vodka) or vodka- but I am sure all the alcohol cooks out of them... and now I'm hungry for Japanese......