Just another Manic Monday
It has been one CRAZY week- so let's start where all stories start... at the beginning.
A little disclaimer: I am quite hormonal , and again everything said is simply my opinion- every story has more than one side, and this is my side. I know others may have other impressions or feelings about the events- but this isn't their story- so you will just have to deal and realize that I am in fact entitled to my opinion- we do live in the US and you are an adult so keep your judgements and comments to yourself!
Monday morning- after tossing and turning all night and no less than twenty bathroom breaks dad finally left for work at his part time department- not his favorite place but luckily the company for the day wasn't as bad as it could have been. He told me good bye and asked if I felt any better to which I responded not really- but since Friday was my last day of work I really didn't have too much on my agenda for the day. Actually- that is a lie- I wanted to sort through my Halloween and holiday bins, rearrange the storage space downstairs and figure out how to relocate the strollers so babys room wasn't so cluttered feeling/ looking. But for arguments sake- we will say I planned on sitting down and doing what I should have been doing- nothing but exercising my thumb with the TV remote or a fork!
I got up and got the room rearranged so the strollers were neatly tucked in the garage and the closet and moved my glider to a more appropriate position that made it less awkward to sit in. By the time I was finished I was ten million degrees- a mere 10 degrees warmer than my new normal! I sat on the couch to do my kick counts for the day, the nurse warned me at my last weekly non stress test that I needed to be doing my counts three times a day at least- especially since baby has been getting rather lazy at night and barely was hitting his required four mark (his old average was closer to the twenties and thirties!). But he always managed to get to four and I felt stupid calling just to say that he was slowing down- of course he was, it was bedtime and he was tired!
I sat and at twenty minutes I had two kicks, with ten to spare, I got some cold gatorade and leftover chocolate lava cake hoping the cold sugary rush would wake his little butt up! He got four kicks after over thirty minutes of timing- that coupled with the up and down and general being uncomfy all night was enough to make me call the docs office. Something that I knew would result in a trip to ER- as it always did, and I was officially at term, so there were no chances being taken and whenever he was ready he was coming- they weren't going to mess around with stalling labor!
I was sent into triage. I called dad to let him know- his first response was "well are you having mom go with you?" I said that I was capable of driving and he said he didn't want something happening on my way- valid point although unlikely that in thirty minutes I would have crushing sudden onset pain, he also said he didn't want my car left there if they did, by some odd chance, keep me- which I am thinking if they keep me I know damn well that you will have your mom up there so fast that it won't matter and somehow we will get the car back home. So I told him fine, I would call her, as I am trying not to sob (hormones, they are awesome), I know he could sense my hesitance and he told me it didn't have to be her, but he didn't want me going alone.
This is where some of the (in my opinion) ridiculousness started. I call her, following his request. I don't know who he thought was going to go with me- we live out here by his family, any of my family members would be 45 minutes away and then another 40 to the hospital- kind of pointless when you are slightly worried that something is wrong with your baby. When I call the MIL- she makes the comment that I don't seem happy. This has become a very frequent saying from her, and let me tell you- if I'm in a good mood, it's a quick way to get me to pissy, and if I am upset or pissy- last thing you should do is point it out! My husband used to claim that I picked on him when he was in a bad mood simply by asking if he was- and he doesn't seem to grasp that the same feeling goes for when I am getting bombarded all the time by his mom about "why are you not in a good mood?"! I don't feel well, I am huge, I am still going to and from work, my husband has been non existent due to meetings and calls and work, I am getting nervous about having a kid??? Pick one!
I feel like every time I answer a question it is the wrong answer- well she LOVED being pregnant, best feeling ever, so peaceful, she LOVED that her MIL lived so close and could be over all the time- it makes me feel like everything I do is wrong. I realize hormones play into this- but I am constantly getting remarks and I just don't have the patience so I avoid the situations when at all possible. So this request of my husband was like locking me into a lions den for the duration of the day. He didn't seem to think about how uncomfortable it would be for me to have OB exam after OB exam in a little teeny room with his mother ten feet away either sitting in weird silence or making attempts at idle conversation and asking twenty questions about what they are doing and why and following them up with her opinions of how good/ not good/ weird or unnecessary the procedures are, Throw in a side of not believing how expensive it is and asking what all bills or medical bills I have and we have a real party going- but hubby never seems to think of that- just that his mom thinks of me as a daughter and I should act like she is in fact my mother and throw any inhibitions aside because of what she has done for us.
I have never disputed what she has done, or said I don't appreciate it- but it's like a trap with no way out. She is his mother, of course she is going to do whatever she can, and we will always- I am 100% sure- live within 20 minutes of her- so she will always have that leg up to help and stop in and be helpful and just there all the time. Makes it hard to miss someone when they don't leave! So- this growing anxiety would be why I was hesitant to have her as his first response to anything going wrong or me being the hospital while he is at work.
So- I make the call and after her little remark have a minor breakdown on the phone explaining that it is not that I don't appreciate her availability these days or the things she has done, but that at this point, it only points out even more how distant my family is and how far away I am from them- also my lack of nearby friends. Not something you want to be dwelling on. And, as always- her response is- well yeah I get that I don't know why he wouldn't understand that, and I wish your family was closer and able to do that- all I wanted when I was in labor would have been my husband and my mother as well. This should have been a clue that the storm was brewing.
I get in my car, go pick her up and the whole way there a similar conversation ensues, including that a few short days earlier my husband informed me that having a baby was not all about me- that people were getting grandchildren too and he wanted to make sure that feelings weren't getting hurt at the hospital. All flashing signs that something bad was coming!!! My response was I am getting a child out of me- all I want at the end of the day is a healthy baby and I would hope that was the goal of everyone else there- not who was called first or who feels left out or who holds baby before who.
Arrive at triage, get placed into one of the small rooms with a curtain separating you from the neighbor and the nurses station. They do bloodwork and place me on a monitor- the MIL asking what the monitor does and how it works, which flusters me because I am slightly afraid that something is wrong with baby and want the nurses attention to be on that and not on explaining how things work. I am a secluded person- I don't like others to be present when I don't have control. The last thing I wanted was them to walk in or find a problem and be forced to process my own emotions and hers at the same time. Everything was checking out ok- and she left the room for all exams- another point I had made on the way there that I wasn't a fan of people being in the room while I was being examined, poked prodded and otherwise exposed- again, to which she answered well of course not, you will have enough strangers there when you give birth that you don't need an audience of people you DO know beforehand (see a pattern- just too much agreeing going on here).
The stress test was fine, they came in a buzzed baby to get him to wake up and then came in a little later and the nurse said she thinks she over stimulated him because he was pinging around in there like a pinball machine! The doctor then came in and said she was on her way to tell me everything looked good and send me on my merry way- but the nurse pointed out that baby had a decrease in his heart rate for a short amount of time- I assume this was before I got buzzed. She said that is not a good thing and they would do blood work and get some detailed scans done- bottom line, everything was lined up and only one more missing piece was needed to justify inducing me! Shortly after, the ultrasound tech came in to do a detailed scan and measure baby- 6lb 11 ounces, no decrease in his growth. The final test was to have a contraction stress test.
Now since MIL was out of the room for the exams, and the last few exams were so long- she didn't know they found a decel in his rate and were searching for a reason to induce me. I was texting dad the whole time, and finally told him that his mother, although sitting next to me at the time, did not know about what they were looking for or how close I was to being induced. We had been there about 4 hours by then, and I kept suggesting that she go to get something to eat or drink or go to the waiting room. My room had one chair and all my clothes were on it and she was standing, which couldn't have been comfortable and made for the close quarters to be even closer. I wasn't trying to shoo her, but I know how often she eats and didn't want her to think that she needed to hover and could go be more comfortable. But she insisted she was fine where she was. I really needed a few minutes to process what the doctor was saying and to call and speak with my husband to hear his voice tell me that everything would be ok... sometimes you just need that reassurance when you get scared, and that is what I needed. Although it is not what I received.
Since she didn't know they saw the decel she kept commenting on how long the docs were taking that she was getting hungry- did we want to get lunch after, what others tests were they waiting on? I told my husband that he would have to call and tell her and that I couldn't- that speaking out loud that they were trying to find a way to induce me and that there was an abnormality with my sons heartbeat made it real and that I couldn't say it aloud without breaking down and I didn't want to do that. I know how she reacts to things, and it would be a slur of curse words followed by worry and questions, and I had enough of that in my own head without trying to process someone else.
I get transferred to another room to get an IV and some pitocin started so that they could induce some minor contractions and see how baby tolerated them. Just enough to give me four in a ten minute window, I would most likely not feel them and they wouldn't induce labor- just be used to gauge baby's response. You can imagine this was followed by another slew of questions for the doctor about the monitor and what they were doing and then to me about why they were tying to induce me- which I said, I am not being induced, they are looking for contractions. I was almost having enough on my own to not even need the drugs! In the meantime, hubby happened to be bringing a patient to the hospital and stopped up to visit and ask if he needed to come up. I wanted to scream- yes, of course I want you here!!! But I know that would not go over well especially if I was just sent home. I suggested while he was there that his mother take my car and follow him home- since she didn't know where we were and the city is a place she won't drive alone- and that he could then come get me after work. Hubby didn't like that idea and said it would be stupid for him to just drive to the hospital to pick me up- obviously not picking up on the fact that while she meant well, it was getting difficult to balance my hormones and emotions and the awkwardness in the room. Especially now that she was catching on that they were looking for something further and our lunch plans would have to be cancelled.
Hubby left and they started pitocin. I got the TV turned on and laid back. Nurses came in to get info and about fifteen minutes into the pitocin (immediately in the MIL's words), the heart rate dropped... and dropped, and dropped. I was surrounded by 3 nurses and 3 doctors in seconds. The rate was about 140-ish and it went to mid 60's. Everyone kept coming in asking "is that a real reading" "Is that really happening?" I was rolled onto my side, people were grabbing and poking my stomach to stimulate baby , my IV was increased and wide open, pitocin turned off, and I was given high flow oxygen. This all happened in seconds and I am trying to process it and MIL is sitting like a deer in the headlights I asked twice through my mask and accumulating tears that she please go into the waiting room. To which she didn't hear or didn't want to hear.
After baby settled back down, the doctor came in and said we did in fact have that final reason to induce me. I called the hubby and said it was go time and he was luckily already on his way home. I arranged the puppy to be dropped off and reminded him of what needed done. MIL was still just sitting and asking why I was being induced and questioning the docs- which made me even more nervous and unsure of what was going on. She went out of the room to call the live in friend and update him and then came back in and resumed the awkward silence. Inside, I am thinking of what is happening and how I am ready for baby to arrive, I am very scared that something is wrong and that he will be born and they will find something isn't right or missed something along the way.
I knew hubby would be there about 5:30- and around 5:20 I suggested that she go to the waiting room and make sure that hubby knew where we were and where he needed to go. This is after I have been asked 4 times if I could feel the contractions she can see on the monitor and told 3 times that the contractions looks like it is going to be a big one. I finally said that they were going to start hurting if she kept telling me about them! The solution to that was her just staring at the screen and wincing when it showed I was contracting- very effective! I wanted a few minutes to process what was happening and evaluate my feelings and thoughts. Hubby walks into the room with our bag o goodies for the stay and I can tell he isn't happy. I ask what is wrong and he doesn't respond.
He sits down and I can tell the storm is about to hit- he asks "what did you say to her?" I ask what do you mean and he says "she is out there bawling her eyes out that you don't want her here and that you think your family is better and that you just don't like her" Insert broken record. I told him that I didn't say that and that I just need some time and space to figure out what is going on.
This is where the problems come in- I am the one having his child, a child that is currently having heart issues- and I am getting yelled at because someone is mad that I wasn't having pillow talk and asking her to check my cervix?! If I try to get close to her or have a relationship- there are no boundaries, then if I don't call or include her in something I am being mean to her. I see her more than both my parents combined, I spend more time with her than both my parents combined- she knows more about our lives that both my parents combined..... see a pattern- but I don't include her enough? She is over a minimum of once a week to get trash and will appear on the weekends if she thinks she hasn't seen us in a while. It is nerve racking that if I had a family member as present as she was I know damn well it wouldn't go over- but because it is his mom it is different. Because she brings me coupons on Sundays, or random kitchen gadgets she thinks I will use, or brings hubby food at work or overdoes gifts at Christmas- that she has to be constantly involved. I am not saying she should't be involved in some aspect- but more than once weekly? At every party or even we have? If we are thinking about going out to dinner? I feel like there is no separation between our life and the life we should have as an extended family.
The other comments I get alot is how thankful she was to have her mother in law around all the time when her kids were growing up- "it was such a help, I was so thankful." How I am supposed to respond? I feel like I am being set up... I am sure her MIL was a help. but that does not mean that I would like her to assume I will want the same help. I would like to be the one to ask for help, and I would like to be able to use some of my own family for help and not get an attitude or a lecture from my husband every time I don't call her the first time I need something. I have family and friends too- she is a wonderful MIL, and I couldn't ask for more, but at the end of the day she is still his mother, not mine- and we have a life together and I have other family too.
So this is not the conversation I want to have. Especially when everything is fine one minute and the next I am this horrible person. So she comes in to get keys after I get the lecture that it is wrong and I tell her (who is now not crying) that she may as well take my car and her friend home and bring her car back up. I get yelled at for that suggestion too- why would they drive home for her to drive back up, and if I don't want her there why would I tell her to come back up. You know what people- I am having a KID- I don't care what you want to do because it isn't going to be the right answer. How does my mother/ father feel that rather than call them I am constantly being taken places by my in-law? That she was here the whole time and is the first to be called for anything related to hubby and I and they find out days later or not at all? Fair to them? No- but that doesn't seem to matter because they just don't do stuff for us like she does (they also don't live fifteen minutes away and have a key to our house!).
End of the day- she stays, my mother and godmother arrive and people rotate in and out of the room. I am checked (again) and still have not dilated at all, so they determine they will give me a pill internally to try and force me to dilate. They will check in four hours to see if it worked and it will take 3-4 rounds of this to get results and then we will start pitocin to induce labor more and encourage baby to come down the birth canal. At around 10 we send people home- no sense in everyone sitting around when they would be trying to sleep and baby is a while out. My dad was still enroute back home from California- and was just landing- we told him we would let him know if anything changed since he was 2+ hours from the hospital after he got home. So hubby takes the fold out couch and I have the uncomfy bed.
At midnight they come in to check and I have still not dilated, and baby had one more significant decrease. I am still contracting on my own and from the pill they gave me. At 1:15 the doctor comes in and says we are taking you for a section. Baby seems to be dropping his heart rate down every time you contract and we would rather do it now when it isn't emergent than when we get you contracting much worse and it becomes a problem. Dad wakes up and asks when we will do the section and is handed some scrubs and told right now...
A little disclaimer: I am quite hormonal , and again everything said is simply my opinion- every story has more than one side, and this is my side. I know others may have other impressions or feelings about the events- but this isn't their story- so you will just have to deal and realize that I am in fact entitled to my opinion- we do live in the US and you are an adult so keep your judgements and comments to yourself!
Monday morning- after tossing and turning all night and no less than twenty bathroom breaks dad finally left for work at his part time department- not his favorite place but luckily the company for the day wasn't as bad as it could have been. He told me good bye and asked if I felt any better to which I responded not really- but since Friday was my last day of work I really didn't have too much on my agenda for the day. Actually- that is a lie- I wanted to sort through my Halloween and holiday bins, rearrange the storage space downstairs and figure out how to relocate the strollers so babys room wasn't so cluttered feeling/ looking. But for arguments sake- we will say I planned on sitting down and doing what I should have been doing- nothing but exercising my thumb with the TV remote or a fork!
I got up and got the room rearranged so the strollers were neatly tucked in the garage and the closet and moved my glider to a more appropriate position that made it less awkward to sit in. By the time I was finished I was ten million degrees- a mere 10 degrees warmer than my new normal! I sat on the couch to do my kick counts for the day, the nurse warned me at my last weekly non stress test that I needed to be doing my counts three times a day at least- especially since baby has been getting rather lazy at night and barely was hitting his required four mark (his old average was closer to the twenties and thirties!). But he always managed to get to four and I felt stupid calling just to say that he was slowing down- of course he was, it was bedtime and he was tired!
I sat and at twenty minutes I had two kicks, with ten to spare, I got some cold gatorade and leftover chocolate lava cake hoping the cold sugary rush would wake his little butt up! He got four kicks after over thirty minutes of timing- that coupled with the up and down and general being uncomfy all night was enough to make me call the docs office. Something that I knew would result in a trip to ER- as it always did, and I was officially at term, so there were no chances being taken and whenever he was ready he was coming- they weren't going to mess around with stalling labor!
I was sent into triage. I called dad to let him know- his first response was "well are you having mom go with you?" I said that I was capable of driving and he said he didn't want something happening on my way- valid point although unlikely that in thirty minutes I would have crushing sudden onset pain, he also said he didn't want my car left there if they did, by some odd chance, keep me- which I am thinking if they keep me I know damn well that you will have your mom up there so fast that it won't matter and somehow we will get the car back home. So I told him fine, I would call her, as I am trying not to sob (hormones, they are awesome), I know he could sense my hesitance and he told me it didn't have to be her, but he didn't want me going alone.
This is where some of the (in my opinion) ridiculousness started. I call her, following his request. I don't know who he thought was going to go with me- we live out here by his family, any of my family members would be 45 minutes away and then another 40 to the hospital- kind of pointless when you are slightly worried that something is wrong with your baby. When I call the MIL- she makes the comment that I don't seem happy. This has become a very frequent saying from her, and let me tell you- if I'm in a good mood, it's a quick way to get me to pissy, and if I am upset or pissy- last thing you should do is point it out! My husband used to claim that I picked on him when he was in a bad mood simply by asking if he was- and he doesn't seem to grasp that the same feeling goes for when I am getting bombarded all the time by his mom about "why are you not in a good mood?"! I don't feel well, I am huge, I am still going to and from work, my husband has been non existent due to meetings and calls and work, I am getting nervous about having a kid??? Pick one!
I feel like every time I answer a question it is the wrong answer- well she LOVED being pregnant, best feeling ever, so peaceful, she LOVED that her MIL lived so close and could be over all the time- it makes me feel like everything I do is wrong. I realize hormones play into this- but I am constantly getting remarks and I just don't have the patience so I avoid the situations when at all possible. So this request of my husband was like locking me into a lions den for the duration of the day. He didn't seem to think about how uncomfortable it would be for me to have OB exam after OB exam in a little teeny room with his mother ten feet away either sitting in weird silence or making attempts at idle conversation and asking twenty questions about what they are doing and why and following them up with her opinions of how good/ not good/ weird or unnecessary the procedures are, Throw in a side of not believing how expensive it is and asking what all bills or medical bills I have and we have a real party going- but hubby never seems to think of that- just that his mom thinks of me as a daughter and I should act like she is in fact my mother and throw any inhibitions aside because of what she has done for us.
I have never disputed what she has done, or said I don't appreciate it- but it's like a trap with no way out. She is his mother, of course she is going to do whatever she can, and we will always- I am 100% sure- live within 20 minutes of her- so she will always have that leg up to help and stop in and be helpful and just there all the time. Makes it hard to miss someone when they don't leave! So- this growing anxiety would be why I was hesitant to have her as his first response to anything going wrong or me being the hospital while he is at work.
So- I make the call and after her little remark have a minor breakdown on the phone explaining that it is not that I don't appreciate her availability these days or the things she has done, but that at this point, it only points out even more how distant my family is and how far away I am from them- also my lack of nearby friends. Not something you want to be dwelling on. And, as always- her response is- well yeah I get that I don't know why he wouldn't understand that, and I wish your family was closer and able to do that- all I wanted when I was in labor would have been my husband and my mother as well. This should have been a clue that the storm was brewing.
I get in my car, go pick her up and the whole way there a similar conversation ensues, including that a few short days earlier my husband informed me that having a baby was not all about me- that people were getting grandchildren too and he wanted to make sure that feelings weren't getting hurt at the hospital. All flashing signs that something bad was coming!!! My response was I am getting a child out of me- all I want at the end of the day is a healthy baby and I would hope that was the goal of everyone else there- not who was called first or who feels left out or who holds baby before who.
Arrive at triage, get placed into one of the small rooms with a curtain separating you from the neighbor and the nurses station. They do bloodwork and place me on a monitor- the MIL asking what the monitor does and how it works, which flusters me because I am slightly afraid that something is wrong with baby and want the nurses attention to be on that and not on explaining how things work. I am a secluded person- I don't like others to be present when I don't have control. The last thing I wanted was them to walk in or find a problem and be forced to process my own emotions and hers at the same time. Everything was checking out ok- and she left the room for all exams- another point I had made on the way there that I wasn't a fan of people being in the room while I was being examined, poked prodded and otherwise exposed- again, to which she answered well of course not, you will have enough strangers there when you give birth that you don't need an audience of people you DO know beforehand (see a pattern- just too much agreeing going on here).
The stress test was fine, they came in a buzzed baby to get him to wake up and then came in a little later and the nurse said she thinks she over stimulated him because he was pinging around in there like a pinball machine! The doctor then came in and said she was on her way to tell me everything looked good and send me on my merry way- but the nurse pointed out that baby had a decrease in his heart rate for a short amount of time- I assume this was before I got buzzed. She said that is not a good thing and they would do blood work and get some detailed scans done- bottom line, everything was lined up and only one more missing piece was needed to justify inducing me! Shortly after, the ultrasound tech came in to do a detailed scan and measure baby- 6lb 11 ounces, no decrease in his growth. The final test was to have a contraction stress test.
Now since MIL was out of the room for the exams, and the last few exams were so long- she didn't know they found a decel in his rate and were searching for a reason to induce me. I was texting dad the whole time, and finally told him that his mother, although sitting next to me at the time, did not know about what they were looking for or how close I was to being induced. We had been there about 4 hours by then, and I kept suggesting that she go to get something to eat or drink or go to the waiting room. My room had one chair and all my clothes were on it and she was standing, which couldn't have been comfortable and made for the close quarters to be even closer. I wasn't trying to shoo her, but I know how often she eats and didn't want her to think that she needed to hover and could go be more comfortable. But she insisted she was fine where she was. I really needed a few minutes to process what the doctor was saying and to call and speak with my husband to hear his voice tell me that everything would be ok... sometimes you just need that reassurance when you get scared, and that is what I needed. Although it is not what I received.
Since she didn't know they saw the decel she kept commenting on how long the docs were taking that she was getting hungry- did we want to get lunch after, what others tests were they waiting on? I told my husband that he would have to call and tell her and that I couldn't- that speaking out loud that they were trying to find a way to induce me and that there was an abnormality with my sons heartbeat made it real and that I couldn't say it aloud without breaking down and I didn't want to do that. I know how she reacts to things, and it would be a slur of curse words followed by worry and questions, and I had enough of that in my own head without trying to process someone else.
I get transferred to another room to get an IV and some pitocin started so that they could induce some minor contractions and see how baby tolerated them. Just enough to give me four in a ten minute window, I would most likely not feel them and they wouldn't induce labor- just be used to gauge baby's response. You can imagine this was followed by another slew of questions for the doctor about the monitor and what they were doing and then to me about why they were tying to induce me- which I said, I am not being induced, they are looking for contractions. I was almost having enough on my own to not even need the drugs! In the meantime, hubby happened to be bringing a patient to the hospital and stopped up to visit and ask if he needed to come up. I wanted to scream- yes, of course I want you here!!! But I know that would not go over well especially if I was just sent home. I suggested while he was there that his mother take my car and follow him home- since she didn't know where we were and the city is a place she won't drive alone- and that he could then come get me after work. Hubby didn't like that idea and said it would be stupid for him to just drive to the hospital to pick me up- obviously not picking up on the fact that while she meant well, it was getting difficult to balance my hormones and emotions and the awkwardness in the room. Especially now that she was catching on that they were looking for something further and our lunch plans would have to be cancelled.
Hubby left and they started pitocin. I got the TV turned on and laid back. Nurses came in to get info and about fifteen minutes into the pitocin (immediately in the MIL's words), the heart rate dropped... and dropped, and dropped. I was surrounded by 3 nurses and 3 doctors in seconds. The rate was about 140-ish and it went to mid 60's. Everyone kept coming in asking "is that a real reading" "Is that really happening?" I was rolled onto my side, people were grabbing and poking my stomach to stimulate baby , my IV was increased and wide open, pitocin turned off, and I was given high flow oxygen. This all happened in seconds and I am trying to process it and MIL is sitting like a deer in the headlights I asked twice through my mask and accumulating tears that she please go into the waiting room. To which she didn't hear or didn't want to hear.
After baby settled back down, the doctor came in and said we did in fact have that final reason to induce me. I called the hubby and said it was go time and he was luckily already on his way home. I arranged the puppy to be dropped off and reminded him of what needed done. MIL was still just sitting and asking why I was being induced and questioning the docs- which made me even more nervous and unsure of what was going on. She went out of the room to call the live in friend and update him and then came back in and resumed the awkward silence. Inside, I am thinking of what is happening and how I am ready for baby to arrive, I am very scared that something is wrong and that he will be born and they will find something isn't right or missed something along the way.
I knew hubby would be there about 5:30- and around 5:20 I suggested that she go to the waiting room and make sure that hubby knew where we were and where he needed to go. This is after I have been asked 4 times if I could feel the contractions she can see on the monitor and told 3 times that the contractions looks like it is going to be a big one. I finally said that they were going to start hurting if she kept telling me about them! The solution to that was her just staring at the screen and wincing when it showed I was contracting- very effective! I wanted a few minutes to process what was happening and evaluate my feelings and thoughts. Hubby walks into the room with our bag o goodies for the stay and I can tell he isn't happy. I ask what is wrong and he doesn't respond.
He sits down and I can tell the storm is about to hit- he asks "what did you say to her?" I ask what do you mean and he says "she is out there bawling her eyes out that you don't want her here and that you think your family is better and that you just don't like her" Insert broken record. I told him that I didn't say that and that I just need some time and space to figure out what is going on.
This is where the problems come in- I am the one having his child, a child that is currently having heart issues- and I am getting yelled at because someone is mad that I wasn't having pillow talk and asking her to check my cervix?! If I try to get close to her or have a relationship- there are no boundaries, then if I don't call or include her in something I am being mean to her. I see her more than both my parents combined, I spend more time with her than both my parents combined- she knows more about our lives that both my parents combined..... see a pattern- but I don't include her enough? She is over a minimum of once a week to get trash and will appear on the weekends if she thinks she hasn't seen us in a while. It is nerve racking that if I had a family member as present as she was I know damn well it wouldn't go over- but because it is his mom it is different. Because she brings me coupons on Sundays, or random kitchen gadgets she thinks I will use, or brings hubby food at work or overdoes gifts at Christmas- that she has to be constantly involved. I am not saying she should't be involved in some aspect- but more than once weekly? At every party or even we have? If we are thinking about going out to dinner? I feel like there is no separation between our life and the life we should have as an extended family.
The other comments I get alot is how thankful she was to have her mother in law around all the time when her kids were growing up- "it was such a help, I was so thankful." How I am supposed to respond? I feel like I am being set up... I am sure her MIL was a help. but that does not mean that I would like her to assume I will want the same help. I would like to be the one to ask for help, and I would like to be able to use some of my own family for help and not get an attitude or a lecture from my husband every time I don't call her the first time I need something. I have family and friends too- she is a wonderful MIL, and I couldn't ask for more, but at the end of the day she is still his mother, not mine- and we have a life together and I have other family too.
So this is not the conversation I want to have. Especially when everything is fine one minute and the next I am this horrible person. So she comes in to get keys after I get the lecture that it is wrong and I tell her (who is now not crying) that she may as well take my car and her friend home and bring her car back up. I get yelled at for that suggestion too- why would they drive home for her to drive back up, and if I don't want her there why would I tell her to come back up. You know what people- I am having a KID- I don't care what you want to do because it isn't going to be the right answer. How does my mother/ father feel that rather than call them I am constantly being taken places by my in-law? That she was here the whole time and is the first to be called for anything related to hubby and I and they find out days later or not at all? Fair to them? No- but that doesn't seem to matter because they just don't do stuff for us like she does (they also don't live fifteen minutes away and have a key to our house!).
End of the day- she stays, my mother and godmother arrive and people rotate in and out of the room. I am checked (again) and still have not dilated at all, so they determine they will give me a pill internally to try and force me to dilate. They will check in four hours to see if it worked and it will take 3-4 rounds of this to get results and then we will start pitocin to induce labor more and encourage baby to come down the birth canal. At around 10 we send people home- no sense in everyone sitting around when they would be trying to sleep and baby is a while out. My dad was still enroute back home from California- and was just landing- we told him we would let him know if anything changed since he was 2+ hours from the hospital after he got home. So hubby takes the fold out couch and I have the uncomfy bed.
At midnight they come in to check and I have still not dilated, and baby had one more significant decrease. I am still contracting on my own and from the pill they gave me. At 1:15 the doctor comes in and says we are taking you for a section. Baby seems to be dropping his heart rate down every time you contract and we would rather do it now when it isn't emergent than when we get you contracting much worse and it becomes a problem. Dad wakes up and asks when we will do the section and is handed some scrubs and told right now...
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