For the big Debut!
So, as we widdle down the weeks and I anxiously await the afternoon and a view of my little Einstein- I have decided to compile the things that people SHOULD give/ do when they visit momma in the hospital or for the first time at home after baby's arrival.
This is for you co-workers- none of those generic congrats blue carnations!;)
This is for you co-workers- none of those generic congrats blue carnations!;)
The traditional would be flowers- which are always nice, and I am a sucker for pretty smelly things- these are some of my favorites. I LOVE the dog collection. Sadly, some of the dogs I have purchased haven't turned out exactly as I hoped- but they are still cute. Anything that has a good strong smell- like the hydrangeas are nice too, because you can enjoy them even when you don't see them. Something that is sadly under-looked is plants- then you can see them every year! Rosebushes, mums, even houseplants (Assuming they are non-toxic if ingested, because lets' face it junior will put everything in his mouth at some point).
Some non-traditional and vastly unheard of options would be:
COOKIES! My personal favorite being Cheryls. I don't know how my family found them, but they did, and these cookies ar eto DIE for! They are so moist and fresh and just incredible.
Edible Arrangements- The food theme obviously common- which I may not enjoy so much post delivery, but everything is good in theory I suppose. I love fruit- and these things are gorgeous and delicious. Just be aware that if you plan on picking one up you typically need to order ahead of time- something I wasn't aware of until recently
Never underestimate the power of food from the outside. After my two night stay at the hospital, I was beyond ready for real food. A nice cheeseburger from Swensons with extra crispy fries or potato puffs, a spaghetti with meatsauce from Parassons with a salad garlic bread and extra house dressing- a refreshing smoothie from Robeks made with fresh fruit and cool ice. Or maybe a chili mac supreme with extra suace no onions and a milkshake! It's little things like that that make your stay anywhere feel a little less un-home-ly. Just keep in mind how far of a distance you have to make with the food, and allot the time to get the food/ drink to mommy in its respectable hot or cold state. It's just plain mean to bring delicious food that is stone cold or a nice bowl of ice cream (add some Cold Stone birthday cake remix to the list) only to have it resemble a milk shake upon arrival.
If you are visiting after mom and baby have made it home- see if maybe a meal would be appreciated- then you can trick them into free food while you get un-interupted baby holding time. I would say offer to do dishes or house chores- but at least in my house- I have a very... um.... clean husband- and things get done a certain way every time and someone else doing them upsets the balance of the universe! That being said, I am sure that after little man makes it home the dishwasher will be in use (currently it just takes up space and we do it the good ol fashioned way- despite me knowing things don't get near as clean doing them that way).
Fresh food is also appreciated- so often people bring casseroles or things to freeze and later re-heat that there is a short supply of fresh fruit, veggies or salad in the house. Maybe some ants on a log (celery sticks with PB and raisins or choc chips), carrot sticks a salad or seasonal fruit cut up or pre-portioned. Then there is something quick and healthier for mom and dad during the first few weeks of getting footing and eating anything that can be made in the magic micro box or ripped out of a plastic bag.
Bringing essentials: milk, eggs, bread- is also helpful, since these things go bad quickly and very few trips are made into the outside world those first days home. If you happen to be an early riser- breakfast would be a good alternative to dinner! After waking every 30 minutes to see that baby's little chest is in fact rising and falling a nice hot meal in the morning is a good push to make it through those first hours until your internal clock gets a second wind.
Clothes are a common gift- both pre and post baby- as are diapers! This is often the time that reality sets in that the little bundle of joy can use one to six outfits a day and goes through diapers like tissues in a daycare during flu season. Dad's expectation of a box a month is thrown right out the window and someone is forced to leave the nest and brave the crowds to get more supplies.
Movies for mom (and dad) while she is home. While realistically she could watch them 20 times and still not see the same thing twice- it never fails that when you are home, your television options are the shopping network or some twenty somethings with abs of steel and perfect tans- neither is good for the postpartum mother! Even if it is just lending your seasons of Friends or the newest Disney flick- anything new will be appreciated and a welcome distraction from the "in-shape" world around. I am perhaps fearing this one especially as I will be home during the New Years Resolution months!
Again, while all this is in theory, and just from watching others and seeing things from when my siblings were brought home- each baby/mom/dad is different. So keep visits short, don't stay too late, don't get offended if mom or dad doesn't want you doing something or touching baby- it's a big scary infectious world out there and little Squishy is the center of their world. This goes ESPECIALLY for new grandmas and grandpas (aunts and uncles)- if this is first grandbaby- it is understandable to be excited, but don't overstay your welcome.
What may seem like offering to help can be seen as over stepping boundaries or suggesting incompetence to mommy bird. Avoid comments about how you used to do things, or how things have changed, that when your son was little he slept right through the night after only two days or that you were never told to put baby in a crib without a bumper or on their backs- trust me- mom and dad are second guessing themselves every time they inhale- you only add to the anxiety, even though you have good intentions.
2. "You're still wearing maternity jeans?" Moms put enough pressure on themselves to lose the baby weight. They don't need any comments from outside sources (especially sources with high metabolisms).
3. "Why aren't you breastfeeding?" Some women choose not to breastfeed, whatever their reason. It doesn't mean they're not excellent mommies.
4. "Why are you breastfeeding in public?" Boobs are everywhere on television and in the movies. So why are people still so repulsed by the sight of a woman nursing her child as nature intended?
5. "That name is...interesting." I've heard some doozies of baby names, but the child isn't yours, so try to avoid letting the "What the heck where you thinking" expression take over your face.
6. "When's your due date?" Most women sport a baby belly for quite awhile after birth. It's natural (if annoying).
7. "You look like hell." Gee, thanks. Just what every woman wants to hear, even if it is true and she's sporting circles under her eyes the size of Saturn.
8. "My baby was sleeping through the night by that age." What, did you medicate her or something? Babies reach milestones at their own pace and this is not going to make a sleep-deprived new mother feel any better.
9. "He looks like the mailman." Really?
10. "Does she always cry like that?" Only say this if you want to see a grown woman burst into tears, too.
11. "You vaccinated? Your kid's going to be autistic!" Scientific evidence is questionable, at best. So let's all agree to disagree, yes?
12. "You didn't vaccinate? Your kid's going to get measles!" Again, this is a matter of personal beliefs.
13. "If you co-sleep with your baby you're a terrible mother." Some babies (mine included) need mom's body heat and presence to feel secure in those first weeks. And since when is it polite to ask what goes on in someone's bed?
14. "Why are/aren't you using a binky?" Some kids love 'em, others hate 'em. I'm pretty sure no one goes off to college still using one, so let it slide.
15. "When are you having your next one?" Let the stitches heal before asking this question, people!
16. "When are you getting sterilized/When's the vasectomy?" If this is a joke, it's not funny.
17. "You have twins? Wow, you have your hands full." That's stating the obvious, right?
18. "Why aren't you using cloth diapers?" Cloth diapers aren't always accepted by daycares, so lots of moms have no other alternative than disposables. Plus, it's a matter of personal preference -- and if you aren't changing those diapers, it's not your preference that matters.
19. "I can't believe you're going back to work." Two words: Mommy guilt. Some women have to work to make ends meet and others simply love their jobs. The beauty of the feminist movement is that we all have a choice now!
20. "I can't believe you're NOT going back to work. Why are you wasting your education for a life of diapering and cleaning toilets?" Why are you wasting your education questioning someone else's parenting choices?
21. "I didn't need an epidural." Goody for you. The rest of us don't enjoy massive pain and our babies were still born healthy and happy.
22. "In my day, we did things differently and everything turned out fine." Actually, no...there were higher infant mortality rates and many more childhood injuries.
23. "Too bad you had a C-section." Why, exactly? The baby was still born healthy, and that's what really matters. No one birth method makes the childbearing experience superior -- and no method 'ruins' it.
24. "You should really (insert baby care advice here)." Unless the new mom has asked, it's usually best to keep your opinions to yourself.
And the favorite advice of little old ladies everywhere...
25. "You better get some socks on that baby!"
If there was ever a time to insert that filter- this is it! Think before you speak and remember that this is a very big change for mom and dad and if they snap or seem to be rushing you out the door- it is because they feel it is best for their family- don't be offended. Soon enough they will be handing junior off to anyone with free arms and you will be more than welcome to coddle and fuss all you want!
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