Chaos

My life is chaos

They say that acceptance is the first step, right? Maybe that is with drugs and alcoholism...

Either way, my life is at high speed nearly all the time.

These days, the speed feels like it is getting to me. There are mornings I drive to work and I wonder how people do it- honestly- how?

How do other parents get it done- the school, homework, work, dinner, time for spouses, time for animals, extracurriculars, parties, events... the list is endless! How do people in general get it done- I know so many people who just are in a constant state of "busy"- even my own parents who have each been able not to work full time right now are both always in a state of movement; home projects, events and travel- it is easy to feel like there is no light at the end of whatever tunnel this is that we all seem to be in together. 

The answer is that we just do.

For me, I have been able to find the small things to focus on and use those to power through all the big things that I know will challenge me every day. 

This was my morning:

Up at 7:30 am (I should have actually been up when the 4 other alarms went off, but alas, the snooze button strikes again)

I hear the pitter patter thundering footsteps of the small one from his room next door. I tell him to get dressed while I start to follow that same advice managing contacts and creating a new bathroom mirror message. 

Just after these few moments, I can feel the shift from the calmness that was a wonderful deep sleep slip away and the anxieties of the day creep in. It wasn't JUST the small child that was awake- we also have 3 dogs (whom we love dearly)- they started to demand attention & food. This can't get done until the Night-Shifter man of the house arrives safely at home since little dog #3 likes to run underneath vehicles as they pull into the driveway. The small human, while dressed (a feat in and of itself), is already cranked up to a level that would make you wonder if I had snuck a Red Bull into his room this morning and I know that it will be a difficult and stubborn hour until school. He is running down the hallway, tripping over the speed of his own feet. 

Breakfast is served and for once in probably two months, I actually sit down and eat with him. I try to go over spelling words: I know the test is later today and the mid-term report card that was delivered yesterday showed that as I feared, he is still not doing as well as he should in the areas of reading. This goes over like a lead balloon. Each word requires coaxing and an explanation, then it is followed by a level of sass that only a small child can produce. "I KNOW mommy".... no child, you don't know that is why we are reviewing these things!!

After 12 redirections at breakfast about sitting back down, finishing food, not playing with the dogs, not playing with a toy, sitting back down and attempting spelling words- breakfast is done and the reinforcements safely arrive home from work. This was a distraction alone- the dogs are excited, the kid is excited, everyone wants to party! 

Now we lost shoes

I can lay out clothes at night, prepare his backpack, pack his lunch, have everything signed and ready to go for the next day- and yet, there is ALWAYS something that slips through the crack! I know that other parents feel this struggle with me. Everyone has an opinion (first problem- not your kid or your house, then don't give unsolicited advice). Get up earlier, do this, lay this out, use this chart- well Susan, if the stars would align and I was able to find this magical twilight hour where I no longer required sleep I certainly would, but guess what, even the best laid plans have flaws:

- Titanic

- FEMA

- Hindenburg- Every Greek god!

There are two pairs of school shoes, why can't we wear the second pair- well those are "too small."

The search commences- during all this, there is discussion over the proper spelling of words, flat out denial to practice said words and he gets in trouble for putting some toy in his mouth (yes, because that is what kids do- they do stupid things like put random objects in their mouths even at ages where they know better, then continue to do it after they have been told not to). 

Reinforcements go to find the missing shoe. Big guy knew that if momma walked back there and found it there would be bloodshed- so it was up to another man to attempt the "man-looking" procedure to find the hidden shoe. Which was under a pile of dirty laundry. The ONLY place in the room it could have been hidden because prior to bed last night everything was cleaned up and laid out (take note Susan, we thought we counted all those life boats on the ship last night!!)

After warning 2, the toy was popped back in the mouth and I quickly took it away. It was like taking a binky from a baby. The skies turned gray and I may have heard a rumble of thunder outside. Everything from that point was just bad. Tying the shoes, getting a coat on, getting out the door, discussing why the toy was taken, no he can't have it back, yes put your coat on, put it on the RIGHT way. 

I try to stay consistent. I don't put up with attitude, if I say something will happen or be taken- it happens. We have left parties, cancelled plans and abandoned carts. This was a struggle with his dad and I- but I have yet to waiver on this and don't ever plan to, even though I am well aware that it may get me on blood pressure medication and/or into an AA meeting at some point in my not so distant future. On the flip side- we also stay active, go out and do fun stuff, have a reward system and try to focus on the positive things rather than the punishments. 

Once the thunder storm made his way out the front door- he sat on his bike a few moments and rode up and down the front walk, seemingly in his own form of a "cool down" mode. I had a precious few minutes to say good-bye and then we made it into the car to start the 17 minute trek to school. 

Night & Day

The conversation bounced from dog toys being on the hood of the car (something that happened earlier in the week that he was still enamored by- a dog toy was sitting on the hood of the car and stayed there the WHOLE way to school!), to how mashed potatoes were made to why people were pulling into McDonald's and what they could be ordering. 

This is ADHD. This flip and sudden change from the struggle of an overly stimulated child to a calm, sweet and curious one is something that I have to keep in my mind when all of the chaos sets in. I can plan and prepare, but there just isn't a plan for this- there are no guidelines or handbooks. I have to make it work because it just has to work. There is no option to resign or leave this part of my life. This will always be here. 

My chaos has been the downfall of many things- and not in a bad way, because this IS my life, so if all the things that my life encompass aren't things that someone wants, then it is a pretty simple formula at the end of the day. My son takes after me in that he goes until he simple cannot. I have always been an over-acheiver, a perfectionist and someone who gives more than they have. This year, I managed that. I cut back, I cut down and I prioritized what I actually needed in my life and could handle. I am still averaging 5-ish hours of sleep a night, still in a constant state of "to-do" lists and STILL need to figure out how to settle my own mind more- but it's ok. Getting to the point that I know it is ok was half the battle. 

My chaos isn't going anywhere any time soon- but I know even when I am in the roughest parts that there are moments of calm that make it all worth it, that is what matters most.