Pregnancy Loss
Years ago, I had a friend, I've written about her, I've put pictures of her in my blog, I do not talk to her anymore. I used to grieve this friendship, but like so many other things I have recently lost, I just move forward and don't look back.
"If you focus on what you have left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead"- Ratatouille
However, there are few days each year, that the pain I know she carries stings me. I used to feel this pain in a way I couldn't describe, in a way I never wanted to know. Now I feel this pain in a way that I know she feels too.
Today is October 15- It is National Infant & Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day. How common an occurrence that there is a NATIONAL day for this? 1 in 4 women know what this is. Having struggled to have lil man, I knew all too well that I could be a part of this statistic one day. I know far too many mothers that are a part of this statistic. I only knew of my daughter for a few short weeks, a tumultuous and scary few weeks. She was unplanned, and came at probably the worst time possible, I have never been more tired or sick, nor did I expect to get that news as I laid in the ER that Friday the 13th.
There are moments that the thought of her stops me in my tracks, will I ever have the chance to have another? The struggle with fertility alone is a battle, but the fear of loss adds another layer. My old friend, we used to call one another "imports" since neither of us ever felt like we belonged where we lived, each of our husbands lived out where we did, she lost two daughters and now has two little boys. I watched her each time, with such grace. I never felt like there was enough I could do. How can you help, or take the pain away?
You can't, there is nothing you can say or do. Healing will happen, over time. I have a cousin, Catherine, she would be my age, she was still born. My aunt told me that to this day, she still remembers her and who she would have been, almost 30 years later. There are things that as a mother you just can't ever forget, things that are ingrained in you. So I just let my patience go a little longer when my minion is putting his cars in the dog dish for the third time, I give him a second hug before he goes to bed and sometimes I let him have the cookie even if he wasn't as good as he should have been, because I only have one to do those things to.
In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan declared October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month saying, "When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them."
"If you focus on what you have left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead"- Ratatouille
However, there are few days each year, that the pain I know she carries stings me. I used to feel this pain in a way I couldn't describe, in a way I never wanted to know. Now I feel this pain in a way that I know she feels too. Today is October 15- It is National Infant & Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day. How common an occurrence that there is a NATIONAL day for this? 1 in 4 women know what this is. Having struggled to have lil man, I knew all too well that I could be a part of this statistic one day. I know far too many mothers that are a part of this statistic. I only knew of my daughter for a few short weeks, a tumultuous and scary few weeks. She was unplanned, and came at probably the worst time possible, I have never been more tired or sick, nor did I expect to get that news as I laid in the ER that Friday the 13th.
You can't, there is nothing you can say or do. Healing will happen, over time. I have a cousin, Catherine, she would be my age, she was still born. My aunt told me that to this day, she still remembers her and who she would have been, almost 30 years later. There are things that as a mother you just can't ever forget, things that are ingrained in you. So I just let my patience go a little longer when my minion is putting his cars in the dog dish for the third time, I give him a second hug before he goes to bed and sometimes I let him have the cookie even if he wasn't as good as he should have been, because I only have one to do those things to.
In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan declared October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month saying, "When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them."
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