What about mom & dad...?
Having Caden is amazing, awesome, the best thing I could have ever expected.
It is also the biggest strain I think my marriage has had to endure..
Between the mother in law arguments and not getting sleep- our little bundle has added an extra weight to our relationship. I stayed home with him for twelve weeks, and all seventeen days he was in the hospital, I made it my goal to be there as much as I could- and dad just didn't get it. It's just one of those things.. he is my baby- I grew him and carried him for 37 weeks- the last thing I wanted was to part with him for even an hour. Dad would get flustered with me for wanting to be there when he wasn't "sick" and was surrounded by nurses and doctors. He didn't know how I couldn't sleep or why at eight am I could only imagine driving back there or that I wanted to stay the night with him.
Since he has been home a new crop of issues has surfaced. I spend the day with him. I deal with the diapers, the crying fits and all the outfits changes- I try to get laundry done, dishes washed and dinners ready. On top of that I try to spend time with him: tummy time, time talking and walking around the house to stimulate him and give him something other than a rotating array of sea creatures to look at. I wake up with him at two am to change him and get him to bed, at five am to feed and change him then again at eight- it is a constant string of various needs being met. It is the most frustrating thing in the world to have that all day and then have your husband come home to nap on the couch because he had a long day and is tired. Well I'm Mary Freaking Poppins and I sustain myself on sunshine and chores!
Every Saturday morning that I woke up to that little screaming bundle of wetness and sweat while hubby dearest slept soundly on the other side of the bed was enough to make me see red.
I can count on one hand the number of nights he took over- and both times was when I was pumping, so I was still awake when he was feeding him! He's been on formula for almost three weeks now, and he didn't know how to make it! I start back at work in one day, and I am preparing myself for getting up almost three hours earlier than before so that I can get myself ready and then the baby.... and HE is the tired one?!
I know that in his mind he tries and is doing his best- but I just wish he could see things from my vantage point. I know he has a long day at work (I have in fact worked several shifts like what he does everyday)- but he has never had the baby all day or all night. To come home and comment that I just "don't know what it is like to have his job" makes me want to scream and slam doors- I actually DO know what it is like, he on the other hand DOES NOT know what it is like to do what I do all day and night.
He gets frustrated when the baby cries- and he'll hand him back to me because he likes me more. He likes me because I have spent time with him- I know what soothes him- how will he learn to soothe him if he is always handing him back to me. Yes a screaming baby is frustrating- but I don't have a magic wand to make it stop- I have to deal with it and find my own solution during the day. He "doesn't do poop"- well, the kid is gonna poop- deal. My favorite being the time he pooped in the tub and instead of helping me, he walks out to the living room and calls his mom to have a candid conversation... while I have a wet poopy kid on my lap and a bathtub needing cleaned so I could re-bathe him.
The response is that I don't ask for help... I do, I have, and I get five minutes of help before I get the look that I need to take the kid back or hurry up so he can get back to whatever he was doing. I give him the baby when he comes home from work and is watching some array of shows that I am not fond of (because why would we watch something that I like when Doomsday Peppers is on?) and he tries to get Caden to lay down on him. Caden wants no part of lying down and then gets fussy- daddy gets frustrated and pissy and mommy is rushed to finish whatever she is doing so she can take him back. Caden isn't a doll or a puppy- you need to sit him up, talk to him, walk with him, rock him, get a toy out- engage him.
The latest little tidbit was that after he was mad I didn't leave the kid unattended and screaming in his crib to pick up trash in the yard- he commented that I could get more done around the house if I didn't have him attached to me. This after I had just rocked him to sleep- and done two loads of laundry. I have zero tolerance for attitude... zero. His mother had called earlier, and I got the "oh well you two are just going to start fighting if you both don't get more sleep"- well golly! Is that all I need to do, someone should have told me! This after telling me that the doctors need to do something so he doesn't have to eat every three hours.... He isn't even three months old- I know she eats about four times a day, why shouldn't a baby be eating that often? It's comments like that that sting me- like I am not doing everything in my power to help my son and do what is best for him? I am busting my ass to keep him happy, keep the house from being in total shambles and keep her son from being a total d-bag- and what do I get? Her telling me that we will just fight all the time and that the doctors need to do something different and him acting like all I do is eat bon-bons and train the kid to hate him!
Do I love my son- yes, do I love my husband- yes, would I trade anything for either- no... bottom line- this isn't all happy smiles and rainbows. It is tough, and I wish that there was a better way to communicate. I am dreading this week because I know no matter how my day went, it won't stack up to the fact that hubby dearest worked twelve hours- I need to feel respected and like I matter. Factor in that according to the lovely Wii balance board I am overweight and 41 years old, my clothes don't fit and I have the self esteem of a rejected dollar store Barbie doll and you can see how things just pile on. I had hopes of having my CPA, CMA and CFE licensing by now. I wanted a job that I could manage part time so I could be home more- and now I have alot (ALOT) of driving everyday to a job where I am not respected and barely paid enough to cover my basic bills, gas and tuition payment only to come home to a house where I feel the same way. Yes, pity party of one. Baby blues are still hanging around a bit....
The little rainbow at the end of my storm- this is what I get greeted with :)
It is also the biggest strain I think my marriage has had to endure..
Between the mother in law arguments and not getting sleep- our little bundle has added an extra weight to our relationship. I stayed home with him for twelve weeks, and all seventeen days he was in the hospital, I made it my goal to be there as much as I could- and dad just didn't get it. It's just one of those things.. he is my baby- I grew him and carried him for 37 weeks- the last thing I wanted was to part with him for even an hour. Dad would get flustered with me for wanting to be there when he wasn't "sick" and was surrounded by nurses and doctors. He didn't know how I couldn't sleep or why at eight am I could only imagine driving back there or that I wanted to stay the night with him.
Since he has been home a new crop of issues has surfaced. I spend the day with him. I deal with the diapers, the crying fits and all the outfits changes- I try to get laundry done, dishes washed and dinners ready. On top of that I try to spend time with him: tummy time, time talking and walking around the house to stimulate him and give him something other than a rotating array of sea creatures to look at. I wake up with him at two am to change him and get him to bed, at five am to feed and change him then again at eight- it is a constant string of various needs being met. It is the most frustrating thing in the world to have that all day and then have your husband come home to nap on the couch because he had a long day and is tired. Well I'm Mary Freaking Poppins and I sustain myself on sunshine and chores!
Every Saturday morning that I woke up to that little screaming bundle of wetness and sweat while hubby dearest slept soundly on the other side of the bed was enough to make me see red.
 |
| This is how he sleeps- he covers his head up- which makes me a nervous wreck! That would be why we have a video AND voice monitor on him, and despite daddy's smarty remarks I still check that he is breathing constantly! |
I can count on one hand the number of nights he took over- and both times was when I was pumping, so I was still awake when he was feeding him! He's been on formula for almost three weeks now, and he didn't know how to make it! I start back at work in one day, and I am preparing myself for getting up almost three hours earlier than before so that I can get myself ready and then the baby.... and HE is the tired one?!
I know that in his mind he tries and is doing his best- but I just wish he could see things from my vantage point. I know he has a long day at work (I have in fact worked several shifts like what he does everyday)- but he has never had the baby all day or all night. To come home and comment that I just "don't know what it is like to have his job" makes me want to scream and slam doors- I actually DO know what it is like, he on the other hand DOES NOT know what it is like to do what I do all day and night.
He gets frustrated when the baby cries- and he'll hand him back to me because he likes me more. He likes me because I have spent time with him- I know what soothes him- how will he learn to soothe him if he is always handing him back to me. Yes a screaming baby is frustrating- but I don't have a magic wand to make it stop- I have to deal with it and find my own solution during the day. He "doesn't do poop"- well, the kid is gonna poop- deal. My favorite being the time he pooped in the tub and instead of helping me, he walks out to the living room and calls his mom to have a candid conversation... while I have a wet poopy kid on my lap and a bathtub needing cleaned so I could re-bathe him.
The response is that I don't ask for help... I do, I have, and I get five minutes of help before I get the look that I need to take the kid back or hurry up so he can get back to whatever he was doing. I give him the baby when he comes home from work and is watching some array of shows that I am not fond of (because why would we watch something that I like when Doomsday Peppers is on?) and he tries to get Caden to lay down on him. Caden wants no part of lying down and then gets fussy- daddy gets frustrated and pissy and mommy is rushed to finish whatever she is doing so she can take him back. Caden isn't a doll or a puppy- you need to sit him up, talk to him, walk with him, rock him, get a toy out- engage him.
The latest little tidbit was that after he was mad I didn't leave the kid unattended and screaming in his crib to pick up trash in the yard- he commented that I could get more done around the house if I didn't have him attached to me. This after I had just rocked him to sleep- and done two loads of laundry. I have zero tolerance for attitude... zero. His mother had called earlier, and I got the "oh well you two are just going to start fighting if you both don't get more sleep"- well golly! Is that all I need to do, someone should have told me! This after telling me that the doctors need to do something so he doesn't have to eat every three hours.... He isn't even three months old- I know she eats about four times a day, why shouldn't a baby be eating that often? It's comments like that that sting me- like I am not doing everything in my power to help my son and do what is best for him? I am busting my ass to keep him happy, keep the house from being in total shambles and keep her son from being a total d-bag- and what do I get? Her telling me that we will just fight all the time and that the doctors need to do something different and him acting like all I do is eat bon-bons and train the kid to hate him!
Do I love my son- yes, do I love my husband- yes, would I trade anything for either- no... bottom line- this isn't all happy smiles and rainbows. It is tough, and I wish that there was a better way to communicate. I am dreading this week because I know no matter how my day went, it won't stack up to the fact that hubby dearest worked twelve hours- I need to feel respected and like I matter. Factor in that according to the lovely Wii balance board I am overweight and 41 years old, my clothes don't fit and I have the self esteem of a rejected dollar store Barbie doll and you can see how things just pile on. I had hopes of having my CPA, CMA and CFE licensing by now. I wanted a job that I could manage part time so I could be home more- and now I have alot (ALOT) of driving everyday to a job where I am not respected and barely paid enough to cover my basic bills, gas and tuition payment only to come home to a house where I feel the same way. Yes, pity party of one. Baby blues are still hanging around a bit....
The little rainbow at the end of my storm- this is what I get greeted with :)
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