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The last 7 years

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I have a problem with Anna Kendrick. Maybe not so much a problem as an odd obsession. I will be watching a movie and without even realizing it- she has a role! It has become quite the joke around the house. One of my favorites,  and quite possibly my absolute favorite,  is the Last Five Years. The movie is about (surprise!) The last five years of a relationship.  I'm not spoiling anything in saying that you start the movie as she is alone in their home wondering how they got to where they are- the rest of the movie fills in those blanks. I think for most people, looking at the last 5 years would be eye opening- that is one of the many crazy things about life, you just never quite know where it will take you! Google Photos gave me a glimpse of my last 7 years... and it was an emotional roller coaster to say the least. One year ago... anyone know what this is? This was the start of our journey with ADHD. Deciding on meds was a hard choice, and one I made pretty much alone
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This little note...

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                                (My other half and I work opposite shifts- he is on nights and I am on days. The days we have off are seemingly rare and far between, which means that the time we DO have together means that much more. I call everyday when I leave work, and some days I am able to catch him for a solid 10 minutes before he leaves for work. In the mornings, if he doesn't have any other running or get held over we may have the same amount of time before I rush off for school drop-off. Our interactions and communications have become notes and small acts- because that is what we have. The mirrors and windows in the house are often littered with doodles and inside jokes, to remind one another of the good times we had or the moments we are looking forward to. Caden has caught on that this is how we manage. Seeing this evolution and thought process unfold has been adorable simply from a parental perspective , but on a personal level, it has meant so much
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Chaos

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My life is chaos They say that acceptance is the first step, right? Maybe that is with drugs and alcoholism... Either way, my life is at high speed nearly all the time. These days, the speed feels like it is getting to me. There are mornings I drive to work and I wonder how people do it- honestly- how ? How do other parents get it done- the school, homework, work, dinner, time for spouses, time for animals, extracurriculars, parties, events... the list is endless! How do people in general get it done- I know so many people who just are in a constant state of "busy"- even my own parents who have each been able not to work full time right now are both always in a state of movement; home projects, events and travel- it is easy to feel like there is no light at the end of whatever tunnel this is that we all seem to be in together.  The answer is that we just do. For me, I have been able to find the small things to focus on and use those to power through all
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Life goes on

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Everyone has a past Everyone has baggage Everyone has internal struggles If I go back into this very blog far enough, I can see the posts I made from when I was married! (I'm not anymore, spoiler alert!) Looking back on them, it is like listening to a song- I can remember where I was, what the smells were and what I was truly feeling. Irony there being that I rarely ever wrote how I felt; and if I let it slip I sugar coated it with excuses and a pair of rose colored shades so the reality that I lived would never truly be seen. Even in an environment that I created to share myself and my feelings- I still hid everything away.  This blog started as a way to document my little Squishy coming into the world. Writing through it was how I felt like someone was there for me, just getting out the struggles, feelings and experiences made me feel not so alone. I had a not so great marriage, I had a lonely pregnancy and I struggled through it all with the help of writing.  Here
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Trust

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Trust This is such a simple word.  It's a statement, a promise, something that is given with the utmost respect. Until recently, I didn't realize exactly what this little word really meant- what weight it carried. I am pretty open about my life- " I'm an open book ", " Ask away "- If I had a dollar for every time someone suggested to me that I write a novel or a biography, I would probably be able to fund said novel. What few probably realize is that while the experiences are in fact real, it is much easier to make light of the situations and be a pillar for those around you than it is to truly show the impact that the situations have had on you.  Several posts have shown the more serious side- the loss of my grandmother , battling post partum , my divorce -  but the scars that I have weathered from my incredibly unique up-bringing are something that few, if truly anyone, have actually seen.  So how does Trust come into all
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