The last 7 years
I have a problem with Anna Kendrick. Maybe not so much a problem as an odd obsession. I will be watching a movie and without even realizing it- she has a role! It has become quite the joke around the house.
One of my favorites, and quite possibly my absolute favorite, is the Last Five Years.
The movie is about (surprise!) The last five years of a relationship. I'm not spoiling anything in saying that you start the movie as she is alone in their home wondering how they got to where they are- the rest of the movie fills in those blanks.
I think for most people, looking at the last 5 years would be eye opening- that is one of the many crazy things about life, you just never quite know where it will take you!
Google Photos gave me a glimpse of my last 7 years... and it was an emotional roller coaster to say the least.
One year ago... anyone know what this is? This was the start of our journey with ADHD. Deciding on meds was a hard choice, and one I made pretty much alone in the parent department. It took hours of research, logging, talking with teachers, with other parents, with friends and family- and the result was to try medication. I was so worried about having him take a pill that I attempted to hide it in marshmallows. Silly me! The kid has no problem with pills and takes them like a champ. I never had to let this small aspect be an issue, but alas, that is the mind of a mother! We have a follow up this week, so this memory made me chuckle a little at just how much things have changed yet also stayed the same in this regard.
Two years ago... I was making the trip to see him at his dads house. I would drive 45 minutes in one direction to spend 3 very awkward hours with him while his dad sat and looked on. I had moved out (for the 2nd time) and I didn't want him to change schools mid-year, so he stayed with his dad to finish out the school year and I made the drive as much as I could to squeeze in every minute with him. The irony in this is the current custody situation and just how much I was willing to sacrifice back then, and even now, for any bit of time with him.
Three years ago... I have no idea what he is so upset about in this picture. I know from the surroundings that it was taken at his dads house and I think at the time I was still staying there maybe? This grumpy disposition was no doubt something that happened often between each of us.
Four years ago! We were living down south and we had this paint fight. I recall how surprised he was that rather than get mad about him having some paint on his legs I added to the mess. This was not a fun time for me, it was the first breakup post divorce and miserable was just about as close to an accurate description as anything. My goal was to keep that little smile there, and I worked my ass off to do it.
Five years ago. I can feel this picture. I look down and I can see skin and bones, I can feel my stomach growling for substance and I can still feel the pains of nausea that were at this point, unknown to be an unborn child. This was the time the separation happened. I was so sickly thin that any doctor or friend who came across me begged me to change my situation. This truck was Cadens happy place. My mother and her husband got it for him for Christmas , it was the quintessential gift for any little boy. He lived in this truck. He took meals in the truck, watched movies in the truck and rarely ever left it. My father still has it in his backyard, and now my niece enjoys the little blue Raptor. The best moments in my life for months are remembering that little Chunk being the king of the world in big blue.
Five years ago was also Cadens last oral surgery for his posterior laryngeal cleft. He stayed overnight and this was a surgery his dad was actually there for. I stayed alone in the hospital with him overnight. I sat in his bed with fake food an watched Desperate Housewives on a tablet. My mom and sister brought me spaghetti warehouse, my mother being a focal point of the numerous hospital stays I have had with the small one.
Then there is grandpa. Always there to help and give treats. These two have had a bond since his birth.
Six years ago- I can smell his soft and clean skin. This night he insisted on wearing this robe, and he looked like a baby Hugh Hefner. Those cups were a focal point of our lives, oh how I searched for them!
My little boy. Finally gaining weight after his g-tube surgery. I miss this blanket, it ended up getting left at a daycare a few years ago, maybe one day I will buy a new one. This was typical Caden, you can see the little blankets he cocooned himself in, the original Clifford puppy and the extended arms and legs show that even then he was a bundle of energy.
One of my favorites, and quite possibly my absolute favorite, is the Last Five Years.
The movie is about (surprise!) The last five years of a relationship. I'm not spoiling anything in saying that you start the movie as she is alone in their home wondering how they got to where they are- the rest of the movie fills in those blanks.
I think for most people, looking at the last 5 years would be eye opening- that is one of the many crazy things about life, you just never quite know where it will take you!
Google Photos gave me a glimpse of my last 7 years... and it was an emotional roller coaster to say the least.
One year ago... anyone know what this is? This was the start of our journey with ADHD. Deciding on meds was a hard choice, and one I made pretty much alone in the parent department. It took hours of research, logging, talking with teachers, with other parents, with friends and family- and the result was to try medication. I was so worried about having him take a pill that I attempted to hide it in marshmallows. Silly me! The kid has no problem with pills and takes them like a champ. I never had to let this small aspect be an issue, but alas, that is the mind of a mother! We have a follow up this week, so this memory made me chuckle a little at just how much things have changed yet also stayed the same in this regard.
Two years ago... I was making the trip to see him at his dads house. I would drive 45 minutes in one direction to spend 3 very awkward hours with him while his dad sat and looked on. I had moved out (for the 2nd time) and I didn't want him to change schools mid-year, so he stayed with his dad to finish out the school year and I made the drive as much as I could to squeeze in every minute with him. The irony in this is the current custody situation and just how much I was willing to sacrifice back then, and even now, for any bit of time with him.
Three years ago... I have no idea what he is so upset about in this picture. I know from the surroundings that it was taken at his dads house and I think at the time I was still staying there maybe? This grumpy disposition was no doubt something that happened often between each of us.
Four years ago! We were living down south and we had this paint fight. I recall how surprised he was that rather than get mad about him having some paint on his legs I added to the mess. This was not a fun time for me, it was the first breakup post divorce and miserable was just about as close to an accurate description as anything. My goal was to keep that little smile there, and I worked my ass off to do it.
Five years ago. I can feel this picture. I look down and I can see skin and bones, I can feel my stomach growling for substance and I can still feel the pains of nausea that were at this point, unknown to be an unborn child. This was the time the separation happened. I was so sickly thin that any doctor or friend who came across me begged me to change my situation. This truck was Cadens happy place. My mother and her husband got it for him for Christmas , it was the quintessential gift for any little boy. He lived in this truck. He took meals in the truck, watched movies in the truck and rarely ever left it. My father still has it in his backyard, and now my niece enjoys the little blue Raptor. The best moments in my life for months are remembering that little Chunk being the king of the world in big blue.
Five years ago was also Cadens last oral surgery for his posterior laryngeal cleft. He stayed overnight and this was a surgery his dad was actually there for. I stayed alone in the hospital with him overnight. I sat in his bed with fake food an watched Desperate Housewives on a tablet. My mom and sister brought me spaghetti warehouse, my mother being a focal point of the numerous hospital stays I have had with the small one.
Then there is grandpa. Always there to help and give treats. These two have had a bond since his birth.
Six years ago- I can smell his soft and clean skin. This night he insisted on wearing this robe, and he looked like a baby Hugh Hefner. Those cups were a focal point of our lives, oh how I searched for them! 
My little boy. Finally gaining weight after his g-tube surgery. I miss this blanket, it ended up getting left at a daycare a few years ago, maybe one day I will buy a new one. This was typical Caden, you can see the little blankets he cocooned himself in, the original Clifford puppy and the extended arms and legs show that even then he was a bundle of energy.
Seven years ago, I was in the middle of an intense medical rollercoaster with him. I knew my marriage wasn't working and I trudged on, hoping that something would give. It has taken me 5 years since uttering the words that I wanted a divorce to be able to feel whole.
Maybe I never was whole before, I had my own thoughts and ideas about what my life should have been. I thought I knew what love was then, and I have learned that I knew what love was to the best of my abilities.
My last 7 years have been, well, a shitshow to put it bluntly. For one rare moment though, I can see that all of that chaos and mess brought me here, and I have never been happier. Never been more fulfilled. Never have I looked forward to what is next like I do now. To appreciate the good, I think you need some perspective, and I've had years of perspective. I've made bad choices and great ones- here now in this house with my thriving kid, 3 dogs and night-shift other half... yeah... it was all worth it. Each of my last seven years.
Comments
Post a Comment