SMLFNP- Swipe Right

Is that how dating profiles work these days?

Swipe Right

Insert Filter- add duck face

So since being divorced- I have learned:
- you can't date- it is bad
-no, really, if you are a woman and you date, you get a reputation
-Unless you have been dating in excess of one year, anything less than that makes you a harlot 
(yes... you are a harlot until you hit that one year mark)

Where to meet your next Mr. Right:
-Online dating makes you trashy
-Meeting in a bar makes you trashy
-You should probably just meet in church... but not at a social event where you were aiming to meet someone, that makes you desperate and how dare you want to be with someone? -Your life should be devoted to bettering yourself post-divorce, pining after your ex and focusing only on your spawns.
-The grocery store may also be acceptable, but only in the chip or cereal aisle, because fruits, meats and liquor sections are obviously all signs that you have been or plan on making very bad decisions. 

The First Date:
If you make it to a first date, you may as well just book a hotel room you dirty little devil you, we ALL know what you plan on doing and shall judge you for quite some time and make assumptions.

Sounds Crazy, right? It is, but it is also pretty much how it goes. 

This is my Readers Digest

Tinder- I feel like at some point everyone is on here, if for nothing else just to experience the craziness. I had one at the beginning, so the profiles that were crazy really WERE the crazies- now when you see a woman with cheese covering half her body or a man looking like Buffalo Bill- you can almost assume they are just going for the flair and not so much advertising their actual desires. In today's day and age, there are enough dark-inter-web places for those truly dedicated to that to interact. 

Plenty of Fish- Popular free site for people who want to not get as many crazy people as Tinder

Bumble- Works like Tinder, but since the woman has to make the first move, I think it weeds out some of the awkwardness? 

Of all of my friends that are actively dating or talking to people, I think most met online in some fashion, it is just the world we live in- also- if you meet through a mutual friend and it doesn't work- it gets SUPER awkward. 

I have become quite amazing at thwarting off dick pics- that is totally a thing- women, please, PLEASE- stop encouraging this- guys- just WHY?? The only person wanting to see that is your proctologist, and that is because you pay them. Most chivalry is truly dead, as is grammar and the ability to hold a conversation. No one cares about what you are up to this weekend or what your favorite food is. Every guy loves tacos, every girl knows how to strategically filter her face and avoid showing her body and everyone is a Southerner of come sort!

So, yes, this is dating in 2019! It's a wonderful place!