Mirror Mirror...

Ever sit back and wonder at what age we learn to be self conscious of ourselves? I think that it is more often looked at from the female perspective- but for boys as well- when do you look in the mirror and instead of seeing a smiling face you see flaws and imperfections?

I am well aware that my body has changed after having a baby- it will never be the same- and I have no regrets for that. What our bodies are capable of is nothing short of amazing- and after the emergency c-section I am still amazed at the fact that there is little evidence in the way of scarring. It does not make me feel any better that as summer nears I fear anything short, tight or skin bearing. I also don't think I get quite the support from my husband that I need on the matter. At all of 120 lbs wet (him not myself)- I am well aware the two of us will never be the same size- I just wish that more people understood just HOW LONG it takes to get back to a new normal after giving birth.

The big culprit for this is the media (isn't that truly the root of all evil?). Supermodels book runway shows a mere two months after giving birth and the second anyone pops a kid out they frequent the front pages of magazines sporting teeny bikinis and designer clad tykes. In the case of Miranda Kerr- I think the last comment on the article just perpetuates the fallacy that women should bounce back to normal at such a miraculous rate:

Oh, so no presure on new mum's in anyway huh? Mum's are expected to be super women these days! - Michelle, Helsinki, 03/3/2011 20:12>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> How can HER life, or her figure, put pressure on 'mums'? ............ People 'spring back' into shape every day after giving birth! . It's the unlucky ones who don't, and when they don't, they need to go on a diet and an exercise regime! ... It's very simple - either be one of the lucky ones - or do something about it if you're not happy about it!! ... But please STOP berating people who go back to a slim-line figure - naturally. It DOES happen - often

I would love to find this woman and smack her! It takes NINE MONTHS to get your body to that point- why would you think it was healthy to force it back in less than a quarter of that time? Most doctors will tell you it takes minimum of nine months to get back to where you were and a more accurate measure is closer to the 12-18 month mark. As a new mom, you are in no position to embark on a weight loss quest. I think a big misconception is also that if you are breastfeeding the extra 500calories it burns will make up for your lack of proper diet or working out in those first few weeks and months. It is not going to work the magic of the Hydroxycut commercials by any means! I nursed as much as I could (which was minimal at best with the issues we had with Caden) and I pumped as much as I could for as long as I could tolerate so I can't comment on the difference it wold have made doing 100% formula from the start or 100% nursing- but I personally feel that it didn't make that much of a difference. 

I also know that for the first four months losing weight was one of the last things on my mind. I assume that if your job is to be photographed semi-nude everyday you would have a different perspective (and also a crew  of people to take care of your every need!)- but let's face it- the average, and even not-so-average mother does not have that luxury. 

One of my many secret indulgences is the Kardashian Klan... yes I DVR the shows and am perpetuating their overtaking of the world! For the most part it is a guilty pleasure to see how that 1% lives and the fact that to them an "I'm sorry" gift is nothing like the clearance bouquet of carnations I can only dream of and more like a sports car that isn't even sold in a 500 mile radius of my house! They have a person designated (and paid) just to do their make-up and hair each morning, I mean I can't even wrap my head around the idea of having someone do that. This little obsession does have a point: Kourtney- the fake boobed smallest of the klan just had baby #2- kudos for giving her a real name: Penelope (I think of Penelope Pig- but it is still better than Apple or any other ridiculous moniker and certainly better than any "K" name). Any-who, after baby 1- little Mr. Mason who I think desperately needs a hair cut, she was quick to drop the weight and place herself in every tabloid and gossip magazine looking better than before- barf! With little Penelope
, she is admittedly taking it slow. She is focusing on eating healthy- the crazy health nut is often berated by her family for her crazy all organic tendencies- one of my favorite episodes being when the sisters tried to hint that she stunk and needed some deodorant- even going so far as sending cute little Mason to spray her with perfume as a ruse to cover her stench on a hot day!

At one point, boyfriend of the year starts hinting that she has not dropped the weight fast enough and he misses the skinny sexier version of her. She wears too many baggy outfits, doesn't do her hair and looks frumpy. It hits a point that he has her crying in her room over her figure before she finally breaks down and admits that last time around she made it a priority to lose weight and wasn't as happy and rushed the process. This time she wants to do it slow and make her children the priority and watch her health. It was refreshing to see that even in that elite circle she is getting crap from her other half on her body post baby! Yes, I was happy that he made her cry and kept telling her that she needed to lose weight. Is that a good thing? Well, no- but I feel much better about my own body knowing that even the wealthiest of people have issues!

Another (sad) admittance would be that the show The Girls Next Door also used to be a favorite... if you don't know who they are- don't google it! If you do know who they are, don't judge! The Girls Next Door followed Hugh Hefner and his girlfriends- the pre-Crystal Harris Runaway Bride group (Holly, Bridget and Kendra). I was fascinated by the show- that women were that proud of being seen by millions men wearing nothing but sky high heels, that the sex industry is THAT big... I mean, it just fascinated me. Despite your opinion of Playboy- it is a fascinating story and Hefner is a pioneer in his field. I love reading into stories like that, to have an idea and then to put that idea into motion and make a difference- yes, I am still a geek at heart. 

So- back to my pathetic obsession #2- one of the girls did her own Spin-Off called Kendra, she did two different versions actually because she was dropped by the first station, but in season 1- she had a little boy, Hank Jr.  She (like so many pregnant women) ate whatever she wanted and everything in site through the pregnancy and grew to the size of a human blimp- I was so happy! She is one of the girls that is blessed with not only a high metabolism but a LOVE of sports and athletics, so she was not shy about eating- ribs, burgers, fried foods- again- LOVED IT! So you could see that she ate like a normal person but really did work to keep in shape. However, the Kendra love took a hit after baby Hank. She had the baby, realized she had over-indulged and that you really should not eat everything in site during pregnancy and had one heck of a time losing the weight.  

Now, with all reality shows- there is quite a distance between when the events occur and when they air. So post-baby, the pictures flooded about her losing the weight and being back to her Playboy self. Boo! However- when she moved into her new house- she made a wall with all her magazine cover shots- and pointed out to baby Hank in her arms that this picture was his first cover shot... It was from US Weekly I believe, and she was wearing a bikini and was holding little Hank in a SuperMom type pose (I am sure that was a caption). The problem was that while she was holding baby Hank and showing him his first shot- she was wearing sweatpants and complaining about the roll that still fell over said sweatpants. Fail Kendra, Fail. 

So, in conclusion, that is what I keep in the back of my mind every time I have to get into the shower and catch the mirror before it fogs up. I truly am only human and at the end of the day, my little boy means more to me than any bikini or tight dress. Some days it works, and other days it doesn't. I still eat Krispy Kreme donuts and indulge in Swenson's and love french fries, I do hope to be comfortable on a beach again one day, but it will happen when I am ready for it to happen- when you have a child you realize that you give up yourself for that child, it is one of the most selfless things you can do and it is the best thing I have ever done in my life.