See the Good in Everything

                                (My other half and I work opposite shifts- he is on nights and I am on days. The days we have off are seemingly rare and far between, which means that the time we DO have together means that much more. I call everyday when I leave work, and some days I am able to catch him for a solid 10 minutes before he leaves for work. In the mornings, if he doesn't have any other running or get held over we may have the same amount of time before I rush off for school drop-off. Our interactions and communications have become notes and small acts- because that is what we have. The mirrors and windows in the house are often littered with doodles and inside jokes, to remind one another of the good times we had or the moments we are looking forward to. Caden has caught on that this is how we manage. Seeing this evolution and thought process unfold has been adorable simply from a parental perspective , but on a personal level, it has meant so much

My life is chaos They say that acceptance is the first step, right? Maybe that is with drugs and alcoholism... Either way, my life is at high speed nearly all the time. These days, the speed feels like it is getting to me. There are mornings I drive to work and I wonder how people do it- honestly- how ? How do other parents get it done- the school, homework, work, dinner, time for spouses, time for animals, extracurriculars, parties, events... the list is endless! How do people in general get it done- I know so many people who just are in a constant state of "busy"- even my own parents who have each been able not to work full time right now are both always in a state of movement; home projects, events and travel- it is easy to feel like there is no light at the end of whatever tunnel this is that we all seem to be in together.  The answer is that we just do. For me, I have been able to find the small things to focus on and use those to power through all

Everyone has a past Everyone has baggage Everyone has internal struggles If I go back into this very blog far enough, I can see the posts I made from when I was married! (I'm not anymore, spoiler alert!) Looking back on them, it is like listening to a song- I can remember where I was, what the smells were and what I was truly feeling. Irony there being that I rarely ever wrote how I felt; and if I let it slip I sugar coated it with excuses and a pair of rose colored shades so the reality that I lived would never truly be seen. Even in an environment that I created to share myself and my feelings- I still hid everything away.  This blog started as a way to document my little Squishy coming into the world. Writing through it was how I felt like someone was there for me, just getting out the struggles, feelings and experiences made me feel not so alone. I had a not so great marriage, I had a lonely pregnancy and I struggled through it all with the help of writing.  Here