The Mother of it all
This is me
Right now, at this moment in time. (no filter, no make-up, just me)
I am writing at midnight as my child lies asleep next to me in my own bed.
There are so many things that I have to say, so many things that I have learned, lived through and experienced in the 6 years since I started this blog. Tonight though, I want to just reflect on my role as a mom.
Moms are tough... without a doubt.
Even the moms who didn't birth their children, those whose children aren't here with them, and those who have kids via any other special circumstance. This job is much harder than I ever imagined, ever.
When my Goober arrived in the non-traditional fashion that he did, he threw me into the thick of it, and I am pretty sure that we have yet to surface for air. I am the proud single mother of a 6 year old boy who has endured 5 surgeries, the divorce of his parents and still manages to carry on with more strength and dignity than I have seen in most adults I know.
I am not sure where the random path of this blog will continue- it started as a way for me to follow my pregnancy journey, then it became a more cathartic release for me as I found my footing in the crazy world of doctors, a failing marriage and depression. I want more than anything for people to know that they are not alone. To know that you don't have to give up, and to see that just because your life really isn't that glossy picture in the Christmas card you send out each year that it is OK.
So often, we focus on what we want to attain: just get to that promotion, just lose those 10 pounds, just get that picture perfect family- I am here to tell you- I am not any of that, and it's alright.
I am divorced, I have lost a job before, my kid isn't the perfection of health, I am (almost) always late and recently I have just decided that maybe some of those old maternity clothes should be worn because I am just never going to look like I did when I was in high school, or the way I did before I had a kid, or the way I did when I was anorexic and severely depressed- and you know what, that is OK (yes, my only child is 6, let's just give up that "baby weight" excuse already). I am not the happiest at my job, I often feel like I am failing at home and sometimes I just have a bad day.
That is OK.
My little guy is past all his initial medical challenges and we have a clear path to getting him through his new obstacles, I have MY OWN PLACE (for anyone leaving a marriage, or even just looking at the end of college or high school, this is HUGE and means more to me than I ever realized it would), I have learned how to keep healthy relationships and I have given myself permission to say "No" and to take on projects that I have always been passionate about.
Focusing on the good, the positive, the accomplishments- that is what keeps me going. Moms need to be reminded of that sometimes, actually, more than sometimes- everyday. You, you as a mother, a sister, a daughter, a co-worker, YOU are doing an amazing job. People can judge, and they will, but YOU, you are keeping a person alive- it may be messy sometimes, it may not be the way it "should" go according to any random number of experts or internet posts- but you are doing your best, and don't let anyone ever tell you differently.
If you need a pick me up or reassurance, just reach out. Reach out to a fellow mom, to your own mom, or even to me- I get it. Life is hard- bosses don't always get that kids pick THE WORST times to be sick, or to decide to teach themselves to tie their own shoes, the daycare only sees a bill and not that you are working 60+ hours a week to barely make ends meet, Moms don't get time to recoup after the Plague sweeps the rest of the house, You have no control over the volume of your family in public, and you know what? If McDonald's is for dinner (again)- it is alright, I see you, and you need to know that we all get it. Tiger bellies, mom tribes, #blessed, whatever you need to say, post or do- you do you, because at the end of the day- you are never "Just a mom," you are the Mother of it ALL.
Right now, at this moment in time. (no filter, no make-up, just me)
I am writing at midnight as my child lies asleep next to me in my own bed.
There are so many things that I have to say, so many things that I have learned, lived through and experienced in the 6 years since I started this blog. Tonight though, I want to just reflect on my role as a mom.
Moms are tough... without a doubt.
Even the moms who didn't birth their children, those whose children aren't here with them, and those who have kids via any other special circumstance. This job is much harder than I ever imagined, ever.
When my Goober arrived in the non-traditional fashion that he did, he threw me into the thick of it, and I am pretty sure that we have yet to surface for air. I am the proud single mother of a 6 year old boy who has endured 5 surgeries, the divorce of his parents and still manages to carry on with more strength and dignity than I have seen in most adults I know.
I am not sure where the random path of this blog will continue- it started as a way for me to follow my pregnancy journey, then it became a more cathartic release for me as I found my footing in the crazy world of doctors, a failing marriage and depression. I want more than anything for people to know that they are not alone. To know that you don't have to give up, and to see that just because your life really isn't that glossy picture in the Christmas card you send out each year that it is OK.
So often, we focus on what we want to attain: just get to that promotion, just lose those 10 pounds, just get that picture perfect family- I am here to tell you- I am not any of that, and it's alright.
I am divorced, I have lost a job before, my kid isn't the perfection of health, I am (almost) always late and recently I have just decided that maybe some of those old maternity clothes should be worn because I am just never going to look like I did when I was in high school, or the way I did before I had a kid, or the way I did when I was anorexic and severely depressed- and you know what, that is OK (yes, my only child is 6, let's just give up that "baby weight" excuse already). I am not the happiest at my job, I often feel like I am failing at home and sometimes I just have a bad day.
That is OK.
My little guy is past all his initial medical challenges and we have a clear path to getting him through his new obstacles, I have MY OWN PLACE (for anyone leaving a marriage, or even just looking at the end of college or high school, this is HUGE and means more to me than I ever realized it would), I have learned how to keep healthy relationships and I have given myself permission to say "No" and to take on projects that I have always been passionate about.
Focusing on the good, the positive, the accomplishments- that is what keeps me going. Moms need to be reminded of that sometimes, actually, more than sometimes- everyday. You, you as a mother, a sister, a daughter, a co-worker, YOU are doing an amazing job. People can judge, and they will, but YOU, you are keeping a person alive- it may be messy sometimes, it may not be the way it "should" go according to any random number of experts or internet posts- but you are doing your best, and don't let anyone ever tell you differently.
If you need a pick me up or reassurance, just reach out. Reach out to a fellow mom, to your own mom, or even to me- I get it. Life is hard- bosses don't always get that kids pick THE WORST times to be sick, or to decide to teach themselves to tie their own shoes, the daycare only sees a bill and not that you are working 60+ hours a week to barely make ends meet, Moms don't get time to recoup after the Plague sweeps the rest of the house, You have no control over the volume of your family in public, and you know what? If McDonald's is for dinner (again)- it is alright, I see you, and you need to know that we all get it. Tiger bellies, mom tribes, #blessed, whatever you need to say, post or do- you do you, because at the end of the day- you are never "Just a mom," you are the Mother of it ALL.
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