See the Good in Everything

I was asked that question more times yesterday than I ever thought possible, and each time it stung more than the previous. By the fourth, the tears just couldn't hold back. This day had been long awaited.  Legally, it was the end of an era, the end of so many memories, and so much pain. I left and cried to my friend about how something like this could happen. A friend who had recently gone through the same thing- she very well may have been in that same court room. She knew that there were no words that could have been said to comfort me, just knowing she was there on the other end of that phone was comfort enough.  Sitting in that small room, I got the speech again "this is what you wanted, I didn't ask for this- this year was going to be different"- as if, like always, I was the issue, the problem, the reason that things had gone awry. After nearly nine years, begging, pleading, now was the time to change- it was, for me it was.  So I agreed that I knew he an...

Years ago, I had a friend, I've written about her, I've put pictures of her in my blog, I do not talk to her anymore. I used to grieve this friendship, but like so many other things I have recently lost, I just move forward and don't look back. "If you focus on what you have left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead"- Ratatouille However, there are few days each year, that the pain I know she carries stings me. I used to feel this pain in a way I couldn't describe, in a way I never wanted to know. Now I feel this pain in a way that I know she feels too.  Today is October 15- It is National Infant & Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day. How common an occurrence that there is a NATIONAL day for this? 1 in 4 women know what this is. Having struggled to have lil man, I knew all too well that I could be a part of this statistic one day. I know far too many mothers that are a part of this statistic. I only knew of my daughter for a few short week...

 < THIS (was) is my living room, I decided to commence moving on the hottest possible days. I am not sure who was happier, me or my dad, that I finally moved.... don't get me wrong- I was more than thankful that he housed lil man and I for as long as he did, but since I was finally able to afford something, it was time for me to get my own room!! So I looked at a house and few duplexes and settled on a place just a few miles from daddy's nest.  Now this little duplex, two bedrooms, a mere five minutes from dear old grandpa- is a far cry from what I wanted to call home.  The whole place smelled of stale smoke and had to be scrubbed down since the landlord couldn't be bothered to repaint, the windows are all in bad need of being replaced, the baseboards- which house the heating, all have chipped and peeling paint. The appliances are probably older than my parents, and all the cupboards reek and have water damage and are warped. BUT, for the first time in longer than ...