See the Good in Everything

That looks like a bunch of medical jargon- basically- the back of the throat isn't formed like it should be. There are three different stages, I, II, III & IV- III being the worst. (powerpoint) Caden will be under sedation, but breathing on his own and they will look at his throat to see how everything looks. If they see that he has the cleft- they will fill the extra space in with a temporary gel film. This film will last 2-3 months. In that time they will make sure that he tolerates the gap being filled (as it should be), and then he will have a permanent surgery to have the space filled. This is the suregry that worries me most, and that I have yet to to start researching because just writing about it makes me quiver. Preliminarily, I *think* he will have to be intubated a day or so just because of what they are doing (sewing his airway up)- and that scares me in ways that there just aren't words for. I am not even going to look at that mountain until I know it i...

Therapy was scheduled, and the date loomed closer. Everything else seemed to stay as status quo as it had been. Caden and I seemed to have our own life separate of that from daddy. It is easy to look at this life and know that something is off, it is harder to see when and how such a shift started to occur. Perhaps that is part of the issue. Someone is always looking for one event, or one blame- it is just what society has engrained in us- there is always a right and wrong. If something isn't working, then there must have been someONE that isn't holding up their end. It was/is both. It has become easier to continue living in this fashion than to face the problems in our life. I long for family time, affection, the spark that was once there and a comfort knowing that I am not facing these fears of doctors and tests alone. I feel like a roommate, as if I am here solely for a sounding board regarding work issues or venting purposes, and it is a one way street. When it comes to...

I suppose it goes without saying that it has been a while, though I still feel the need to open with that excuse. It is like a part of me that has to apologize, because the thought of writing is a constant buzz in the back of my mind, yet there is just never that extra hour at the end of my day to get my myriad of thoughts into a logical place and out of my overflowing head. So in an attempt to release the growing tension between my ears, shoulder blades and recurring nightmares- I am making the time now. So much is happening- as is life everywhere. My little boy is nearly TWO ! When and how did my little 6lb 4oz Squishy grow into such a bundle of nonstop energy? The vocabulary and understanding that he has is something I am fascinated by everyday. I find myself watching each word that comes out of his mouth, and while daddy was the first one to get a bad repeat, luckily it wasn't one that stuck. He is so kindhearted and funny, caring and witty, intelligent and ornery- I could...